My rocky relationship with Facebook continues.
For now.
I like to keep in touch with friends. I like to be able to share funny experiences I’ve had, and spread the word about important causes that I believe in. But I really can’t stand to look at another vacation photo.
It’s no one person’s fault. There are just too many people posting pictures of their vacations. I don’t want to see any more sandy beaches, or half-drunk glasses of wine arranged decoratively on patio tables. Is it possible that a full quarter of Maine’s population was at Disney World during the middle of March, or did it just feel that way?
Subjecting people to look at you having fun, getting sunburned and spending money is nothing new. When I was growing up in the 1960s, my parents were sometimes invited out to dinner at friends’ homes. Then, to their horror, the hosts would pop up a screen and take a movie projector or carousel slide projector out of hiding. The vacation recap horror show would begin.
There are many differences between then and now, however. Not that many people owned home movie cameras. Not everyone traveled to places that deserved their own movies. Finally, people only showed their holiday flicks to friends and family—i.e., people they actually knew. Thus, the average person was compelled to relive others’ vacations maybe two or three times a year.
Now, everyone has access to Facebook, even if it’s just through their smart phones. Said device also takes photos and videos. More people go on exotic vacations than I think is rational, given that the middle class has been stuck in an economic rut for a decade or more.
Meanwhile, I “know” a lot more people. On Facebook, it’s 238 to be exact. Interestingly, only a few of my closest friends even use Facebook (although my sister and 10 cousins do). So most of my “friends” are colleagues—current and former—college and high school friends, acquaintances, and people who read my column. To be honest, the only person’s vacation pictures I would willingly look at are my sister’s.
Am I just a bitter old woman? Well, I may be, but that’s beside the point. Who wants to be stuck at home during a blizzard looking at pictures of somebody else’s kids cavorting in a pool? I know some people, and perhaps they have sunnier dispositions than I do, think that posting photos of palm trees and sailboats will cheer up their friends back home in the frozen north. Earth to moonbeams: It just makes us think you are showing off.
I do share vacation photos on Facebook. One or two at a time. If I am doing something that others might envy, I am self-deprecating about it. I realize that even sitting on the rocky shore of Maine on an August afternoon, something I take for granted, might seem unattainable to someone who’s trapped in an office in Kansas City.
It doesn’t take much to make people feel bad about their own lives. In fact, that is a recognized Facebook phenomenon. I’ve even noticed that, when people post they are in a delightful locale, some friends are being honest and comment: “Jealous!” It’s because social media is all about image. You might be fighting with your husband the whole time you are in Cabo, but your pictures tell a different story. Others assume your life must be perfect.
An example. Last summer was difficult for me. I was finishing up my master’s degree and found myself taking the worst course of my entire post-grad experience. I even had to work while on vacation. This course made me physically sick. Between that and a part-time job, I only had one week when I was entirely free of work and school.
Yet, when I returned to my job as a school librarian, half a dozen Facebook friends said, “Wow, you really got around this summer!” What could they possibly mean? I spent a week on Penobscot Bay, took a quick trip to Boston with my husband, Paul, and then took a second trip to meet an old friend who lives near the city. Paul and I went on day trips and spent some time in a few state parks. Yet the perception was that I had been gallivanting all over the place.
And I’d been thinking everyone was out having fun except me.
I’m not the boss of Facebook. But I think a few ground rules would help keep friends on a friendly basis. First, think about why you are posting. Do you want to show off where you are? Would you brag about your special destination to your friends in person?
Secondly, keep it to a minimum. Only a few people want to share your whole trip with you.
Finally, be compassionate. If you are lucky enough to be somewhere warm and sunny when your friends and family are experiencing a blizzard, don’t rub it in. We can look up pictures of Hawaii on our own.
In other words, enjoy your trip—but don’t feel the need to tell the world about it.
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