What a relief it was when I said to a friend, “I don’t have a lot of Christmas spirit,” and she replied, “Neither do I.”
My friend keeps up appearances for her daughter, who’s eight.
I’m keeping up appearances for myself, since I don’t want to be the Grinch.
I think my problem with Christmas started when my husband, Paul, and I moved to Maine from Massachusetts nearly 30 years ago. No one ever came up to spend Christmas with us. Instead, we’d travel to see my family on Christmas Eve, then drive an hour and half the next day to visit Paul’s family. It was exhausting, especially when there were small children running around. Just packing up a car full of presents wore down my spirit.
Family dynamics during the holiday sometimes left me flummoxed. Somebody would show up with a surprise boyfriend or girlfriend for whom we didn't have a present. On more than one occasion, girls turned up pregnant—surprise!—though there wasn’t a father in sight. People would turn on the TV even though others were talking.
Paul and I slept on a sofa bed in his parents’ living room. One year I tossed and turned, and felt so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep. I was reminded of an old Seinfeld episode (as I often am) in which Elaine and Jerry visit his parents in Florida. Elaine throws out her back sleeping on a sofa bed that felt like it had a bar running down the middle of the frame.
Alas, that was not my problem. I had the flu. It was my first year working in education and I had no immunity to kid germs. Once we returned to Maine, I spent my vacation lying on a cot in a spare room at home. Luckily, my mother always came up to spend a couple of weeks with us during the holidays, so she brought me tea and soup.
As the years passed, our parents aged. My mother moved in with my sister and brother-in-law. We spent part of one Christmas with Paul’s father, who was in a nursing home. He passed away within a year. Eventually my mom went into an assisted-living facility, and my mother-in-law into a nursing home. They, too, passed away.
Since Christmas is so much about tradition, it’s hard when you have to reinvent the holiday. I can’t really say I miss buying presents for, at its peak, 13 family members. I don’t miss those long treks, although of course I still mourn our parents. But nature abhors a vacuum, and that’s what Christmas became for us.
At first, I did not feel motivated to decorate as much as I had when my mother visited during the holidays. I didn’t have a reason to do much baking. Paul had to shame me into writing Christmas cards.
Two years ago, I decided to do a “Twelve Days of Christmas” celebration. Every day for the 12 days before the holiday, I did or bought something special and then posted a picture of it on Facebook. It was fun to come with the ideas, and since Paul didn’t know what I was doing, he had a surprise every day. For example, I had always wanted one of those Swedish dala horse ornaments, so I bought a small one. Another day, I made seven-layer bars.
Ironically, this was the year when the power went out on Dec. 24th in our neck of the woods. So I wasn’t able to complete the twelfth event, which was to bake Paul a tourtière, or French meat pie. This was a favorite from his childhood.
Our power came back on that night, though many neighbors were still in the dark. Perhaps this was why I didn’t do the twelve days the following year. I didn’t want to tempt fate.
This year, I decided I wanted to get an Advent calendar to keep myself in the spirit. I discovered an electronic version and actually purchased two. One is a traditional European Christmas market and the other features a Victorian theme. They were inexpensive, so I also sent one to my sister and one to a friend.
I have had an absurd amount of fun with these calendars. Sometimes there is a vignette, such as the appearance of a band playing Christmas carols. Other days provide a virtual activity, like making snowflakes or wrapping Christmas presents. The music is lovely and there’s information about holiday traditions as well.
The calendars have inspired me in several ways. I decided having some truly beautiful Christmas cards would motivate me to send them out. So I carefully chose a religious motif and a secular assortment. The cards were mailed nearly two weeks before the holiday.
Then I decided I wanted wrapping paper like the beautiful stuff I used on my virtual Advent calendar presents. When I couldn’t find it locally, I ordered it online.
I also treated myself to a lovely wreath from L.L. Bean.
Now, if one of my calendars asks me to decorate cookies, that may just get me into my bricks-and-mortar kitchen.
Then again, I might just have to built up enough spirit to get in their on my own!
I wish you and your loved ones a wonderful holiday season.
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